“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”Matthew 6:34 NLT
I have been reminded of this verse many times in my life but mostly right around this time, 6 years ago when God helped me somehow come to terms with the love of my life suffering a spinal cord injury. I was told his biggest accomplishment from that point would be to contract his biceps. He would not feel or move from the chest down and he will never walk or stand again. While our goal every year is defy the odds with only strength the Lord can provide, that story is for another day.
6 years ago God planted the affirmation for me to push forward and trust in Him in our future plans. So I chose to do my best but in doing that my list of concerns was large and overwhelming and of course on the top was the pressing question, will we be able to have kids? It seemed as though answers I received along with the progress in his condition was typically the generic i don’t want to give you too much hope so no promises of course , “let’s wait and see”. It was actually what I cried about when I had alone moments. I just couldn’t picture our future without having children and I’m glad I didn’t.
For a more than a few moments I let the fear of our future being turned upside down bring me to a bad state. I quickly wanted to all the cards on the table and I wanted God to essentially click rewind and have us return back to our plan for our lives which included children even at that point in our relationship.
At that time Noel was still an impatient, I remember being so distraught that after one of his routine physical therapy visits the physical therapist came out of the room and sat on the bench next to me I’m guessing I looked as though I just needed someone in that moment. Crying on a seat outside the room yes, I asked her, a physical therapist if we would be able to still have children. She gave me encouragement that I needed to press on.
She told me that they have a motto not to focus on what their patients don’t have but rather each day to see what is functioning and is moving and focus on that.
She said, ” you will find you guys will be able to do what you want in life it just may not look the same and may take more effort than everyone else.”
I found this to be true on many adventures we have had thus far in our lives. It was certainly true for us trying to conceive a baby in what some would call a non-conventional fashion. While some may not see IUI or IVF as an option because maybe it does not seem natural, I’m glad it was available for us and gave our world a glimmer of hope!
I also foresee this to be true in raising a child but I am not scared or ashamed of going about things in a different way anymore because each time we have small or large break through or victory it is so much more rewarding.
I can’t tell you how many times I prayed the same prayer, “God please provide us a baby one day at the right time”. For many years I had no clue when that time was. When we moved to Louisville we both knew the time was now! I know people may not believe that God conducts Devine appointments however I can’t help to feel that there was a greater force that pulled us to Louisville besides spinal cord injury research. While I must admit we came here for the undeniable promise of improvement in Noel’s condition I am now carrying the child we have always wanted, just did not know we could have.
It was a process, at times discouraging and for sure was not easy but like I said the reward is so much more appreciated and celebrated when a little of your own elbow grease goes into it.
I guess the goal for this year would be God’s will and to let Him relieve my worrying, to let Him continue to take care of the life inside me, and to be beyond thankful for the many blessings like family, friends and a killer medical team we are privileged to have in our lives!
We can’t wait for the day we get to meet baby Aponte!